Living in Contentment

With 2009 rapidly approaching and with 2008 rapidly coming to a close I find myself in somewhat of a contemplative state.

I have spent the last few hours reliving events of the last year in a mental slide-show of pictures and emotions. Had someone told me twelve months ago that 2008 would prove to be one of the best years of my life thus far I would have probably laughed in their faces. But 2008 has indeed been one of the best years I've had in quite sometime, if not the best year ever. It hasn't been easy, I've still struggled with the problems and puzzle life has always thrown at me, I still struggle with the symptoms of my illness, I still wonder what God has in store for the rest of my life, I still doubt my skills and whether I am an asset to the people I work with or am I just another body taking up space. All of those things still eat at my sub-conscience, but at the same time I have grown in ways that I never thought possible this year.

For the first time in a long time I can truly see myself as God sees me, as one of His children created by Him and created for Him, not because of anything I can offer Him, but simply for His good pleasure!!! I have come to terms with the fact that there is a high probability that I will have to take medicine for the rest of my life, something I've never really admitted nor accepted before, but with the help of good friends and a wonderful doctor who actually listens to my questions and concerns I'm okay with taking medicine.

For the first time I enjoy building relationships with people, I have always been sort of a reclusive spirit and have avoided personal relationships whenever possible, and I'm still somewhat of an introvert to a large degree, but the fear and uncertainty I felt when meeting new people or going to new places no longer exist. I have developed more close personal relationships with more people this year than I have in the last five years combined.

But perhaps my biggest success of the year is that I have learned how to be comfortable and content in my own skin. I find myself looking in the mirror in the morning and actually appreciating what I see, instead of seeing the freak show I've always seen in the past. I see a guy who is no less weird than he's been prior to 2008 but a guy who now knows that despite the fact that people may find him odd and eccentric at times, they don't think he's unlovable in fact I have learned quite the opposite, most people find my oddness a eccentricities my most lovable attributes. I have found that people see the whole person that makes up the ridiculous person that sits at the keyboard today, and yet still find him worthy to be loved.

How truly fortunate and richly blessed I am. I can only hope and pray that 2009 continues to find me growing in love and knowledge. As for my prayer for y'all this coming year is that y'all are anxious about nothing and prayerful about everything.

Until next time, keep smiling and may God richly bless ya.

Tucker